Selfish Knitting and Saying No
This weekend I finished reading Knitting: a novel by Anne Bartlett. The novel captivated me at the very beginning with its tactile descriptions of knitting. It made me want to try knitting lace (which I have) and to knit for myself. The book is a great story, and a fairly short read. I picked up my hardback copy from the local Borders for less than $5 (after taxes), so the price was great too! Overall I found the writing enjoyable and was able to immerse myself in the story.
I definitely recommend this as a read for any knitter; non-knitters may be a bit bored with the book at times. The story teaches a great lesson about knowing your limits and taking time to knit for yourself. There is quite a bit of knitting in the story! I would like to offer a word of caution to those who adhere to the Selfish Knitters’ manifesto: This book will irritate the living snot out of you. Seriously. Be prepared for a good read, but understand that you will want to yell at one of the main characters throughout the entire second half of the book. My thoughts below contain a minor plot spoiler, but nothing that will ruin the experience of reading the novel. Read at your own risk.
The book focuses on two characters. Martha is a knitter whose husband died many years ago. Sandra is a textiles scholar who just lost her husband a year before, and is having a hard time coping. (This is all on the book jacket.) They meet and plot ensues. Eventually, Sandra asks Martha to do something that would have made me laugh in her face if I had been asked to do it all by myself, no matter what my skill level.
You see, to me knitting is a labor of love, and it is my personal opinion that it should only be done because you want to do it. If you want to knit things professionally, then go for it…but stop when it becomes stressful and no longer fun. When I try to knit something I don’t want to knit, my fingers feel clumsy and I make tons of mistakes. Eventually it gets so frustrating that I throw it into a drawer and leave it for months (or years). Most of those projects end up being frogged…I just don’t care enough to finish them.
There is a group on Ravelry called Selfish Knitters, and they have some very good points. Everyone deserves love, but some people are greeting-card-love worthy and some people are hand-knit-socks-love worthy. Sandra asked Martha to do something that required her to devote all of her knitting time until the deadline to Sandra’s project. No time to knit for herself, no buffer in case she got sick or needed a break…Sandra just assumed Martha could do it. She had no clue how long things would take or the effort involved. And Martha…Martha didn’t have the willpower to stand up for herself and say no.
Make no mistake; I am mad at Martha, not Sandra. Sandra is not a knitter. Sandra doesn’t know any better. Martha should have had the backbone to stand up for herself and say no! No, I will not knit your entire exhibition for you in that short of a time. Give me more time or get me some help, and I will be happy to contribute. I want you to understand exactly how much work goes into something like this!
Oh Martha, I know you are a fictional character, but when we don’t educate people who think knitting is easy (and cheaper than buying a mass-manufactured equivalent in a store), it is up to us to disabuse them of that notion. Handmade does not mean cheap! Generally handmade items tend to be one-of-a-kind. People put hours of their time into making these things. In America, we have a minimum wage. Do you know what it would cost you to pay me to make you a sweater if I billed you at minimum wage and then added the cost of the yarn? At least two-hundred dollars. That is correct, a store-bought sweater is cheaper. No, I will not lower my price just because of that. If you want something handmade, be prepared to pay for it.
I am a Selfish Knitter. This doesn’t mean I don’t make gifts for other people. What it means is that when I knit for someone, it is because they are knitworthy. They will show appropriate appreciation for the gift and not just chuck it in a drawer and never wear it. They will not belittle the effort I put into it or pick out flaws in an otherwise-beautiful and functional gift. I knit for people I love, and I keep a mental list. Believe me when I say that if I knit for you, you are special to me. I will not complain if you don’t wear my gift, or if you nit-pick about it, but it’s unlikely you will receive anything handmade from me again. If the hat that you asked me to custom-make for you sits on a shelf in your mother’s room for years after I gave it to you, you will likely receive a book for Christmas instead of a handknit gift. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore; if that were the case I wouldn’t bother with a gift at all. But why would I spend my time and effort on a lovely gift for someone who doesn’t want it? I do not make things to be put on a shelf and never used. I encourage every knitter to become a selfish knitter. Appreciate what you can do. Inform those around you, when asked, of just how long it takes to make that lace wrap or textured sweater. Show them how much your beautiful Noro yarn costs! People need to understand that a hand-knit garment is not cheaper, but it can certainly be beautiful and is a one-of-a-kind product. The ones responsible for teaching them are us, the knitters. We cannot simply expect everyone to understand. When asked, we must have the courage to say no if necessary, and if we can, explain why we are saying no.
This is one of the book’s main points, and the ending is suitably transformative. Anyone who has felt pressured in their knitting or unappreciated by a recipient should give this book a read.
If you haven’t learned how to say no yet…now is as good a time as any to start.
Dyet Yarns blog posts by Adrian "Nuri" Steinhauer are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Tags: book, mistakes, new knitters, rant, selfish
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